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J.
Bradley's Story
 "There
is a pervasive form of contemporary violence to which the idealist
fighting for peace by nonviolent methods most easily
succumbs...overwork. The rush and pressure of modern life are a
form, perhaps the most common form, of its innate violence. To
allow oneself to be carried away by a multitude of conflicting
concerns, to surrender to too many projects, to want to help everyone
in everything is to succumb to violence. The frenzy of the
activist neutralizes one's work for peace. It destroys one's
inner capacity for peace. It destroys the fruitfulness of one's
work because it kills the roots of inner wisdom that make work
fruitful"
-- Thomas Merton The most
important thing I learned in college was to follow my passion, regardless of
the challenges required to do so. While instructing for the
Stanford Outdoor Education Program, I was also fortunate enough to
discover my passion: teaching in the outdoors. Following this
desire, I decided to pursue outdoor leadership and education as a
profession. Most recently, I spent five years as a backpacking,
rock-climbing,
mountaineering and rafting instructor for the Pacific Crest Outward
Bound
School. While going to school in California and working for
Outward Bound up and down the west coast, I became familiar with the
Pacific Crest Trail and was able to hike and ski many sections of the
trail. It has now been a dream of mine for ten years
to hike the entire PCT from Mexico to Canada in one season.
So, why hike the PCT
now? For the past year, I have been
struggling with a number of mental and emotional issues whose origins
span back many, many years. As would be the case with anyone's
life struggles, mine are very complicated and difficult to articulate,
especially in one paragraph, on a web site, to an audience of mostly
strangers whom I will never meet. In essence, I would say that my
troubles stem from an inability to
feel
connected to other people on an emotional level combined with a failure
to heed Merton's words. I have tried to compensate for a lack of
closeness by putting myself into highly structured environments and
taking on an unreasonable number of responsibilities. Being
obsessively involved with structured organizations and groups made me
feel connected to others, but whenever I found myself on my own, I was
lost. In October, 2003, a little over a month after I adopted
Banner, my emotional state sank to an unprecedented low. As it
turns out, Banner's recent arrival in my life was critical to helping
me through a few extremely dark weeks. To have a being at my side
who is totally loyal, unconditionally loving, and ultimately forgiving
was a blessing beyond words. I recognized that I am the only
person in the world who can help Banner to heal from his past emotional
wounds, and this thought in
turn began my own healing process. Without Banner, I might still
be
wandering lost in the shadowed parts of my mind. Instead, I have
been reenergized with passion and ideas, and the adventure of hiking
the Pacific Crest Trail in 2004 is just part of a future that shines
brightly once
more.
There is certainly an
intellectual gap between Banner and myself,
simply because he is a dog and I am a human. There is no way for
me to truly understand what he is thinking, and he cannot hope to
discern my mind. Through training, we can communicate
intellectually in a very limited way. Banner learns what I expect
from him at any given moment through certain visual and verbal signals,
and I learn to predict (but not fully understand) how he might behave
in
a given situation. However, I believe that Banner and I do
connect emotionally in a
very deep way, and it is this kind of emotional closeness that I must
learn to build with other human beings. Thus, I feel that my
relationship with Banner has and will continue to be highly
instructional. I am hopeful that we will both be able to find
peace and healing during our months on the Pacific Crest Trail...
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